We all get cloudy thinking sometimes.
We all get off track.
And sometimes we’ve never stopped to think what we REALLY want or how we’ll know when we’ve got that.
The power of a pause is enormous and that’s what coaching offers you. The space to reflect and get clear again, and start making good shift happen in your life & work.
The power of having a supportive partner is priceless too…someone who has your back, believes in you and is there simply to help you blow that grey cloud away and show up and shine.
Jessie-Lynn is a mental health and well-being consultant, educator, and facilitator. She helps her clients uncover and embrace their potential for living a life well-lived both personally and professionally.
She is passionate about helping people understand the power of investing in their own mental health. She works with individuals who are hiding behind a mask of fear, self-judgment or doubt, feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or in search for more out of themselves, their relationships or their lives.
She loves helping children and youth uncover their innate resilience and wellbeing. She is currently working on a special project – Be You. Be You is a multi-dimensional project to empower and inspire women and children to understand and embrace the root cause of their mental health and wellbeing.
Her mission is to create an engaged and inspired global community by empowering women and children to be the best version of themselves in every aspect of their life.
Favourite quote on happiness:
“Happiness cannot be travelled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.” Denis Waitley
Favourite quote on life:
“When you dance with the Universe let it lead.” – Jessie-Lynn MacDonald
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It’s topical just now and oh so misunderstood (in my humble opinion)
I’ve been party to several discussions around how we raise people’s confidence and resilience, like this is achievable by flying in and delivering workshops and other such ‘interventions’.
Yet the irony is no one can GIVE someone else confidence nor resilience…however much we may want to. We can only be the guiding light as someone explores and discovers it for themselves.
It’s an energy and awareness thing.
First of all we need to understand what resilience is, because without that common understanding we’ve no way of measuring if it is or is not improving.
Resilience is inextricably linked with confidence and both are context dependent.
Resilience = ‘the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties’
Confidence = ‘the feeling when or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something’
So is resilience simply having confidence in ourselves that things will be ok?
Because I’ve worked with a lot of people who keep going & going throughout difficult times and may appear resilient, yet they are quietly crumbling.
So how do we know that someone has genuinely recovered or bounced back from an adversity?
Consider the different aspects in your life. Which do you feel confident and resilient in and which feel a bit wobbly? None of us are 100% amazing in every area of our lives….yet aspects of our lives overlap.
You may think what’s happening in your personal life is irrelevant to your professional. It’s not, YOU are the common factor.
Resilience is too important to fall into the trap of ticking boxes and hiring in coaches and facilitators to deliver one off workshops on the subject.
Yes these are great, and it’s a start but it’s not enough.
You cannot TEACH resilience, you must understand yourself, accept yourself and be ok with not being ok.
In other words it’s something you become.
It’s a coming home to the true nature of you…a well being.
And that involves being surrounded by the energy of acceptance, openness and curiosity.
It’s riding the storms with someone at your side not to stop you from falling but to be with you as you figure out how to get back up.
Have you created a culture personally & professionally where failing is encouraged? That trying is better than not? Where time to reflect and learn is expected?
Because THAT is the foundation of resilience ❤️
Accepting you need support isn’t a weakness, it’s a freaking strength and I would LOVE for us all to acknowledge this.
Looking for, or simply accepting the support that’s available, is the next step and that takes a strong person to do this too.
The thing about being human is we ALL feel alone sometimes in these bodies of ours but we’re not. We’re all part of something far bigger as each and every one of us are connected in some weird and wonderful way.
We ALL feel that we should be able to sort our shit ourselves but just because we think something doesn’t make it true.
Of course it’s good to be able to self manage but not to the point that we forget the power that surrounds us and we can plug into at ANY time.
Even the most fiercely independent people benefit from the support of others to lead their lives in the way they do…yet just because this support is less visible or more socially acceptable makes it no less of an aide.
From the electricity, water and gas coming into our homes to our street lights, roads, shops and cash machines. Our teams at work, our families & friends. They all do things that support us.
But THESE are ‘acceptable’ supports. Ones we don’t judge each other for needing or using.
Yet when we need more personal support whether physically or mentally THAT is when we starting judging ourselves and others, believing that somehow this makes us ‘less than’.
Less than what though? What or whom are we comparing ourselves too?
Because if we ALL need support of different kinds at different stages, then what’s the issue?
If we ALL feel alone and stuck sometimes, why do we keep pretending otherwise?
Accepting support allows other people to use their talents.
Think about it, everyone has gifts and for them to actually USE these gifts they need people to want them. Whether this is making music where having people who are willing to receive and hear this music, breathing life into it’s creation. I was talking to my daughter about the importance of showing up not just for your own wellbeing but for others too. I’m part of a Rock Choir just now, I go for fun and it’s great. Singing is a brilliant way of shifting your energy and it’s been shown to have a positive impact on wellbeing. So I go for purely selfish reasons but my attendance and everyone else’s has a strong positive ripple effect. Our attendance creates a group that has nurtured friendships, it has created a viable work opportunity for the leader to show up and shine doing what she is absolutely gifted doing. And our attendance has also helped the founders create more business success which results in them paying their taxes which support our schools, health and communities. I accept the support of this group to enjoy singing and get better at singing and this
Accepting support allows the people who love us to feel secure in knowing we’re ok.
You’re loved. It’s time to accept this as true. People worry about you and want you to be ok so when you are wearing your stubborn lone wolf pants, this is admirable but can be problematic. We’ve all been there, not wanting to ask for help or admit we’re struggling…all the while our neighbours, friends, colleagues and family are getting wrinkles with their concern because they KNOW you’re not ok. YOU ARE NOT PUTTING PEOPLE OUT, you’re easing their minds.
Accepting support helps us to live our best lives.
We are all ‘disabled’ in some way…that’s why that term is pants and I feel it’s more helpful to consider us all as differently abled. Some of us struggle with mobility and some of us struggle with memory, communication with ourselves and/or others, emotional regulation…the list goes on. Yes some things have medical labels but the label isn’t the cure. In fact their may never be a cure as such and that’s ok, because you’re ok as you are. It’s not your difference that’s the issue as much as how people relate to this difference. Being our best is a lot easier with the understanding of others and the odd external support. I love having a cup of tea made for me when I’m busy. I used to say no, I’d get myself one later. Now I say thank you and I mean it.
Accepting support breaks the bullshit cycle that accepting support isn’t ok and gives the secret nod to those who are still scared to say YES and reach out.
Lead by example. It’s all very well talking a good game about how terrible the world that we judge each other and we all should be more supportive BUT if you are still struggling to receive then YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM. Sorry for the caps but it needs emphasised. More people then you realise are watching and learning from you. This is not about becoming needy, it’s appreciating the ebb and flow of life and you being part of that: give and receive, receive and give.
Don’t do as I say, do as I do. Actions are far more powerful than words.
So take a deep breath, stop being so bloody stubborn and either ask for what you need or simply accept the support that’s already being offered to you.
PS. Sometimes people are so stuck in their own darkness it’s seems impossible to reach out and make an ask or admit how they are really feeling. This is ok and why it’s so important we work together and acknowledge and respect our differences. Be a gentle light in their darkness so they can begin to see the light switch beside them and can turn it back on when they are ready. Darkness has healing qualities so don’t rush someone who is in a different place to you simply because you’re uncomfortable with it.
Let me know your thoughts and reflections in the comments below, I love hearing from you! xx
In today’s episode Jen Wilson and I go off the rails talking about health and the importance of women truly loving their bodies.
Jen Wilson, author of 9 Rules to Sort Your Shit, and creator of Warrior Woman Project has been working in the wellness industry since 2009. She created the Warrior Woman Project back in 2014 after identifying that much of her own journey resonated with other women who were feeling stuck or lost in their own worlds. Jen helps them work out what it is they want in life, who they truly are and what they are truly capable of, working from a place of self-love.
With a background in fitness, nutrition, NLP, massage, Pilates, Yoga, meditation and coaching she has a wide and varied approach to helping women heal.
Do drop a comment below with any thoughts, reflections or questions xx
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