Accepting you need support isn’t a weakness, it’s a freaking strength and I would LOVE for us all to acknowledge this.
Looking for, or simply accepting the support that’s available, is the next step and that takes a strong person to do this too.
The thing about being human is we ALL feel alone sometimes in these bodies of ours but we’re not. We’re all part of something far bigger as each and every one of us are connected in some weird and wonderful way.
We ALL feel that we should be able to sort our shit ourselves but just because we think something doesn’t make it true.
Of course it’s good to be able to self manage but not to the point that we forget the power that surrounds us and we can plug into at ANY time.
Even the most fiercely independent people benefit from the support of others to lead their lives in the way they do…yet just because this support is less visible or more socially acceptable makes it no less of an aide.
From the electricity, water and gas coming into our homes to our street lights, roads, shops and cash machines. Our teams at work, our families & friends. They all do things that support us.
But THESE are ‘acceptable’ supports. Ones we don’t judge each other for needing or using.
Yet when we need more personal support whether physically or mentally THAT is when we starting judging ourselves and others, believing that somehow this makes us ‘less than’.
Less than what though? What or whom are we comparing ourselves too?
Because if we ALL need support of different kinds at different stages, then what’s the issue?
If we ALL feel alone and stuck sometimes, why do we keep pretending otherwise?
Accepting support allows other people to use their talents.
Think about it, everyone has gifts and for them to actually USE these gifts they need people to want them. Whether this is making music where having people who are willing to receive and hear this music, breathing life into it’s creation. I was talking to my daughter about the importance of showing up not just for your own wellbeing but for others too. I’m part of a Rock Choir just now, I go for fun and it’s great. Singing is a brilliant way of shifting your energy and it’s been shown to have a positive impact on wellbeing. So I go for purely selfish reasons but my attendance and everyone else’s has a strong positive ripple effect. Our attendance creates a group that has nurtured friendships, it has created a viable work opportunity for the leader to show up and shine doing what she is absolutely gifted doing. And our attendance has also helped the founders create more business success which results in them paying their taxes which support our schools, health and communities. I accept the support of this group to enjoy singing and get better at singing and this
Accepting support allows the people who love us to feel secure in knowing we’re ok.
You’re loved. It’s time to accept this as true. People worry about you and want you to be ok so when you are wearing your stubborn lone wolf pants, this is admirable but can be problematic. We’ve all been there, not wanting to ask for help or admit we’re struggling…all the while our neighbours, friends, colleagues and family are getting wrinkles with their concern because they KNOW you’re not ok. YOU ARE NOT PUTTING PEOPLE OUT, you’re easing their minds.
Accepting support helps us to live our best lives.
We are all ‘disabled’ in some way…that’s why that term is pants and I feel it’s more helpful to consider us all as differently abled. Some of us struggle with mobility and some of us struggle with memory, communication with ourselves and/or others, emotional regulation…the list goes on. Yes some things have medical labels but the label isn’t the cure. In fact their may never be a cure as such and that’s ok, because you’re ok as you are. It’s not your difference that’s the issue as much as how people relate to this difference. Being our best is a lot easier with the understanding of others and the odd external support. I love having a cup of tea made for me when I’m busy. I used to say no, I’d get myself one later. Now I say thank you and I mean it.
Accepting support breaks the bullshit cycle that accepting support isn’t ok and gives the secret nod to those who are still scared to say YES and reach out.
Lead by example. It’s all very well talking a good game about how terrible the world that we judge each other and we all should be more supportive BUT if you are still struggling to receive then YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM. Sorry for the caps but it needs emphasised. More people then you realise are watching and learning from you. This is not about becoming needy, it’s appreciating the ebb and flow of life and you being part of that: give and receive, receive and give.
Don’t do as I say, do as I do. Actions are far more powerful than words.
So take a deep breath, stop being so bloody stubborn and either ask for what you need or simply accept the support that’s already being offered to you.
PS. Sometimes people are so stuck in their own darkness it’s seems impossible to reach out and make an ask or admit how they are really feeling. This is ok and why it’s so important we work together and acknowledge and respect our differences. Be a gentle light in their darkness so they can begin to see the light switch beside them and can turn it back on when they are ready. Darkness has healing qualities so don’t rush someone who is in a different place to you simply because you’re uncomfortable with it.
Let me know your thoughts and reflections in the comments below, I love hearing from you! xx