Accepting you need support isn’t a weakness, it’s a freaking strength and I would LOVE for us all to acknowledge this.
Looking for, or simply accepting the support that’s available, is the next step and that takes a strong person to do this too.
The thing about being human is we ALL feel alone sometimes in these bodies of ours but we’re not. We’re all part of something far bigger as each and every one of us are connected in some weird and wonderful way.
We ALL feel that we should be able to sort our shit ourselves but just because we think something doesn’t make it true.
Of course it’s good to be able to self manage but not to the point that we forget the power that surrounds us and we can plug into at ANY time.
Even the most fiercely independent people benefit from the support of others to lead their lives in the way they do…yet just because this support is less visible or more socially acceptable makes it no less of an aide.
From the electricity, water and gas coming into our homes to our street lights, roads, shops and cash machines. Our teams at work, our families & friends. They all do things that support us.
But THESE are ‘acceptable’ supports. Ones we don’t judge each other for needing or using.
Yet when we need more personal support whether physically or mentally THAT is when we starting judging ourselves and others, believing that somehow this makes us ‘less than’.
Less than what though? What or whom are we comparing ourselves too?
Because if we ALL need support of different kinds at different stages, then what’s the issue?
If we ALL feel alone and stuck sometimes, why do we keep pretending otherwise?
Accepting support allows other people to use their talents.
Think about it, everyone has gifts and for them to actually USE these gifts they need people to want them. Whether this is making music where having people who are willing to receive and hear this music, breathing life into it’s creation. I was talking to my daughter about the importance of showing up not just for your own wellbeing but for others too. I’m part of a Rock Choir just now, I go for fun and it’s great. Singing is a brilliant way of shifting your energy and it’s been shown to have a positive impact on wellbeing. So I go for purely selfish reasons but my attendance and everyone else’s has a strong positive ripple effect. Our attendance creates a group that has nurtured friendships, it has created a viable work opportunity for the leader to show up and shine doing what she is absolutely gifted doing. And our attendance has also helped the founders create more business success which results in them paying their taxes which support our schools, health and communities. I accept the support of this group to enjoy singing and get better at singing and this
Accepting support allows the people who love us to feel secure in knowing we’re ok.
You’re loved. It’s time to accept this as true. People worry about you and want you to be ok so when you are wearing your stubborn lone wolf pants, this is admirable but can be problematic. We’ve all been there, not wanting to ask for help or admit we’re struggling…all the while our neighbours, friends, colleagues and family are getting wrinkles with their concern because they KNOW you’re not ok. YOU ARE NOT PUTTING PEOPLE OUT, you’re easing their minds.
Accepting support helps us to live our best lives.
We are all ‘disabled’ in some way…that’s why that term is pants and I feel it’s more helpful to consider us all as differently abled. Some of us struggle with mobility and some of us struggle with memory, communication with ourselves and/or others, emotional regulation…the list goes on. Yes some things have medical labels but the label isn’t the cure. In fact their may never be a cure as such and that’s ok, because you’re ok as you are. It’s not your difference that’s the issue as much as how people relate to this difference. Being our best is a lot easier with the understanding of others and the odd external support. I love having a cup of tea made for me when I’m busy. I used to say no, I’d get myself one later. Now I say thank you and I mean it.
Accepting support breaks the bullshit cycle that accepting support isn’t ok and gives the secret nod to those who are still scared to say YES and reach out.
Lead by example. It’s all very well talking a good game about how terrible the world that we judge each other and we all should be more supportive BUT if you are still struggling to receive then YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM. Sorry for the caps but it needs emphasised. More people then you realise are watching and learning from you. This is not about becoming needy, it’s appreciating the ebb and flow of life and you being part of that: give and receive, receive and give.
Don’t do as I say, do as I do. Actions are far more powerful than words.
So take a deep breath, stop being so bloody stubborn and either ask for what you need or simply accept the support that’s already being offered to you.
PS. Sometimes people are so stuck in their own darkness it’s seems impossible to reach out and make an ask or admit how they are really feeling. This is ok and why it’s so important we work together and acknowledge and respect our differences. Be a gentle light in their darkness so they can begin to see the light switch beside them and can turn it back on when they are ready. Darkness has healing qualities so don’t rush someone who is in a different place to you simply because you’re uncomfortable with it.
Let me know your thoughts and reflections in the comments below, I love hearing from you! xx
The following is based on connection calls for coaching services and you’ll see common threads throughout that you can relate to your own service & even some product based businesses. It’s all about helping your client get clear on what they want and being honest and open about who you can help them with that.
PS. Being honest means if you don’t genuinely feel you can give them what they need, tell them. There’s more at stake than a quick sale, your reputation precedes you!
Ready to stop overthinking & start playing?
Before the call
How do you feel?
Spend a few moments getting into a really positive and effective state of mind and body.
Connect with the impact you make through working with your clients.
Set the intention for this call to be REALLY blooming good fun and useful for both of you.
Visualise your client leaving this call feeling exactly how you want them to (perhaps empowered, inspired) and, importantly, crystal clear as to what they want to do next.
Let go of any attachment to the outcome of this call. Let go of any need to people please…you’re here to support another human get clear on what they want & need. If you have filtered effectively, the people who you’re investing your time in speaking with will be close to your ideal customers so your focus is simply on being there for them now. Yes it would be lovely to make a sale but for now that’s not your focus.
Money is simply one of many ways to exchange energy and similar energies are attracted to each other. Get & stay in the energy you want your client to be in, and the rest will flow from here.
Imagine yourself being of highest service to your client and that whatever happens will be for the greater good of both of you.
If you are already a coach then if you consider these calls like a laser coaching session then you’re in a great frame of mind. As long as you are coming from a place of service and valuing your resources and the person in front of you, you’re grand. Relax and connect with another human xx
The beginning of the call
Take a minute or so to explain to your client what will happen in your time together on the call. This helps the person in front of you feel safe and as such open up to you.
How long the call will be.
We’ll get clear on what you would love to achieve.
We’ll design a brief plan that will help you achieve what you want.
We’ll uncover any challenges and hiccups areas that may be slowing you down or sabotaging you.
If it feels like we’re a good fit then I’ll share how we could potentially work together to help you get the results you want.
You’ll leave with more energy, motivation and clarity to really make good things happen.
How does that sound? (getting permission at this stage means you have a reference point to come back to at the end of the call to ensure they’ve experienced what you said you would, building trust)
Getting clear on what they REALLY want
>> Tell me a bit about what you currently do and what you would LOVE to have happen in your life and work.
>> If you could wave a magic wand and achieve something wonderful in the next next year, what would that be? (Think about your health, wealth, work, relationships etc)
>> Imagine you have that in just the way you’d like to have that, what does that get for you? (or, What’s important to you about that?)
>> What would be the BEST part about that?
it’s important to establish what is driving the person in front of you because THIS is what will help you see how you can et serve them, and them decide if you are the best fit for them.
Making it tangible
“Be practical as well as generous in your ideals. Keep your eyes on the stars, but remember to keep your feet on the ground.” – Theodore Roosevelt
>> If you could break this big wish into say 3 main parts or stages what would these be?
Help your client get REALLY clear on what they want so you both have a measure of success.
Uncovering hiccups and challenges
>> What is your current situation in your (area of focus)
>> What do you think could be standing in the way of you having (list all the juicy stuff you have helped them clarify that they would LOVE to have)
>> What ELSE could you slowing you down or stopping you? (keep repeating until they have explored all possibilities)
>> What impact are these issues having on your (area of focus)?
>> How long have you had these challenges?
>> What have you done about them up until now?
>> How has having these challenges impacted on you?
>> What’s the WORST part about these challenges?
>> What’s it costing you right now? (energy, money, quality of relationships, health etc)
This bit is giving them the experience of working with you AND helping them further unpick and clarify what they want and need.
Trust yourself and shine!
Sensing readiness for change
>> If you don’t do something about these issues, what do you think will happen?
>> How soon do you want to turn things around and start experiencing the results you REALLY want?
>> Why do you feel like now is a good time to do take action?
>> Do you feel a sense of urgency to deal with/overcome ______ or is it something that if nothing’s changed in 6 months that’s ok?
>> Is having __________non negotiable for you?
>> Imagine for a moment you’ve overcome all these challenges and created ________ What’s that worth to you?
Is now really a good time for them? If it is great! And if it’s not, that’s ok too..now you both know and can take things from here. What are the competing priorities for them? Help them get clear on what there top priorities are.
Why you? Inspire them to see the benefit you bring!
> I hear you! (Share personal story or client success story that relates to their situation, including the result and positive changes. This is to encourage the person to see that what the want IS possible and that YOU may very well be the best person to help them achieve what they want)
> If you could release all of your challenges and start rocking your life and work, what would that do for you?
> What would be the BEST part of that?
Review & Reflect (it’s nearly over!)
>> We’re nearly finished here and I want to make sure you’ve got everything from our time together you expected.
>> Looping back to the beginning of our time together, do you feel clearer about what you would love to achieve in your (focus area)?
>> We created a plan to help you get a better sense of how you can tangibly make things happen. We did this quickly so it probably needs a bit of fleshing out but are you clearer on what you need to work on to get the results you want?
> I also wanted you to feel energised, inspired and motivated that you can REALLY make what you want happen. Do you feel more motivated to take action and make good things happen now?
> We also uncovered some of your hiccup areas and challenges that could be slowing you down or stopping you. These are super common….
Transitioning to proposition
> The issues you mentioned of (list all the challenges mentioned) are super common and I’ve worked with loads of people/got lots of experience helping people in similar situations work through these and start creating the life and work they really want.)
>> I have a program specifically for people in your situation, would you like to find out more about it?
Introducing how working with you works
This is about establishing the value of your coaching. Relate everything in this section to your clients personal aspirations, values and the challenges they raised.
How do you support your clients? Explain this to them.
For example, for my own coaching work…
I have 5 principles I support all my clients through.
I’ll help you appreciate yourself and the amazing potential that is in you right now to create whatever the heck you want to.
I’ll make sure you believe in yourself and the possibilities open to you.
You’ll get super clear on what you REALLY want and create a plan as to how you can make that happen.
Depending on how you choose to work with me, I’ll be with you as your supportive partner as you DO the work and take the actions you want & need to create the results you want, and be in the wings to help keep you on track.
And all throughout this I’ll be helping you develop your emotional intelligence and target your energy so you learn how to tap into inner resourcefulness…and discover your invincibility factor!
The structure of your service
Describe how you work with your clients.
If you prefer to offer bespoke proposals then say this now and suggest some possibilities to gauge you’re on the right track.
> I work with my clients for (no.weeks/months)
> We meet weekly/fortnightly/monthly for (length) time
> I’m available via email/text between sessions as well/whatever else you offer
Confirming they value your service
> Does that sound valuable/ useful so far?
What do you see as the benefit of us working together?
> How would your (area of focus) be different as a result of our time together?
Introducing the investment
Most people get icky when it comes to the ‘money chat’…stop it! It’s simply a conversation that includes numbers. Consider you’re talking about something that isn’t your own service so it’s purely factual. Be clear in advance of your boundaries and what, if any, willingness or ability to wiggle you have.
> This program/service is £____ for which includes….
> £___ paid in full
> Take as long as you want to mull that over.
You may want to offer special ‘fast acting’ bonuses for making a decision to commit within a certain timeframe. And you may want to offer a payment plan but remember if you are in the UK if you choose to offer a payment plan that is more expensive than the full price this is seen as the equivalent of an interest rate for which your business needs a credit licence. Please ask for legal advice specific to your business requirements to ensure your business stays compliant, I am not a legal expert. I invite you to get clear on what your ideal situation is and how you can encourage your customer to behave in the way that serves your outcome.
>> Instead of £___for x if you decide to go ahead by the end of today/this week I’ll make it £____
Give space for them to reflect and think.
Employ the acronym WAIT – Why Am I Talking 🙂
Be prepared to discuss common objections include:
‘I can’t afford it’
‘I’ll have to speak to my partner’
Be curious about these and coach them through them. Often objections are polite distractions from belief in YOU or belief in THEMSELVES.
‘I’m not convinced YOU can deliver the results I want’
‘I’m not convinced I can make the changes I want to’
Stay focused on serving the best interests of the person in front of you.
How confident are you that your service is the best solution for that person?
How confident are you that now is the best time for them to optimise the value they’ll get from working with you?
What do they need to make a decision that works for them?
Completing the sales conversation
MAKE IT EASY & SIMPLE FOR CUSTOMER TO PAY YOU
>> Brilliant! So you’d like to go with ‘x service’, when would you like to start?
>> Fab! All we need to do now is organise your 1st payment and then I’ll send you out your welcome pack and we’re ready to rock and roll. How would you like to pay? Paypal? Direct transfer? (Whatever your options are)
>> Magic! (explain your next steps)
> See very important notes to self
Very Important Notes to Self
Trust yourself and how YOU want to do business.
You may want to have a sales focused conversation in a separate call organised shortly after your discovery session. It’s your business and your rules, play with options and notice your energy and the results you get with each. It may be person specific or you may prefer to have a set process. Do what works.
Support your potential client stay in that state of possibility and motivation until they can make a decision that’s right for them.
Focus on helping your client to make the best decision for them and you’ll both reap rewards. LET GO OF ANY ATTACHMENT YOU MAY HAVE TO THE OUTCOME, if you want happy clients you need to focus on THEIR wants and needs, not yours.
Even if they decide not to work with you right now, keep in touch and nurture the relationship. They may turn into a yes or refer other people to you…customer service is queen.
Have fun xxx
Let me know in the comments below how you get on!
If you’d like to download this in playbook form click here