Do you struggle accepting support?

Do you struggle accepting support?

Accepting you need support isn’t a weakness, it’s a freaking strength and I would LOVE for us all to acknowledge this.

Looking for, or simply accepting the support that’s available, is the next step and that takes a strong person to do this too.

The thing about being human is we ALL feel alone sometimes in these bodies of ours but we’re not. We’re all part of something far bigger as each and every one of us are connected in some weird and wonderful way.

We ALL feel that we should be able to sort our shit ourselves but just because we think something doesn’t make it true.

Of course it’s good to be able to self manage but not to the point that we forget the power that surrounds us and we can plug into at ANY time.

Even the most fiercely independent people benefit from the support of others to lead their lives in the way they do…yet just because this support is less visible or more socially acceptable makes it no less of an aide.

From the electricity, water and gas coming into our homes to our street lights, roads, shops and cash machines. Our teams at work, our families & friends. They all do things that support us.

But THESE are ‘acceptable’ supports. Ones we don’t judge each other for needing or using.

Yet when we need more personal support whether physically or mentally THAT is when we starting judging ourselves and others, believing that somehow this makes us ‘less than’.

Less than what though? What or whom are we comparing ourselves too?

Because if we ALL need support of different kinds at different stages, then what’s the issue?

If we ALL feel alone and stuck sometimes, why do we keep pretending otherwise?

Accepting support allows other people to use their talents.

Think about it, everyone has gifts and for them to actually USE these gifts they need people to want them.  Whether this is making music where having people who are willing to receive and hear this music, breathing life into it’s creation.  I was talking to my daughter about the importance of showing up not just for your own wellbeing but for others too. I’m part of a Rock Choir just now, I go for fun and it’s great. Singing is a brilliant way of shifting your energy and it’s been shown to have a positive impact on wellbeing.  So I go for purely selfish reasons but my attendance and everyone else’s has a strong positive ripple effect. Our attendance creates a group that has nurtured friendships, it has created a viable work opportunity for the leader to show up and shine doing what she is absolutely gifted doing.  And our attendance has also helped the founders create more business success which results in them paying their taxes which support our schools, health and communities.  I accept the support of this group to enjoy singing and get better at singing and this

Accepting support allows the people who love us to feel secure in knowing we’re ok.

You’re loved. It’s time to accept this as true. People worry about you and want you to be ok so when you are wearing your stubborn lone wolf pants, this is admirable but can be problematic. We’ve all been there, not wanting to ask for help or admit we’re struggling…all the while our neighbours, friends, colleagues and family are getting wrinkles with their concern because they KNOW you’re not ok.  YOU ARE NOT PUTTING PEOPLE OUT, you’re easing their minds.

Accepting support helps us to live our best lives.

We are all ‘disabled’ in some way…that’s why that term is pants and I feel it’s more helpful to consider us all as differently abled.  Some of us struggle with mobility and some of us struggle with memory, communication with ourselves and/or others, emotional regulation…the list goes on.  Yes some things have medical labels but the label isn’t the cure.  In fact their may never be a cure as such and that’s ok, because you’re ok as you are.  It’s not your difference that’s the issue as much as how people relate to this difference.  Being our best is a lot easier with the understanding of others and the odd external support.  I love having a cup of tea made for me when I’m busy.  I used to say no, I’d get myself one later. Now I say thank you and I mean it.

Accepting support breaks the bullshit cycle that accepting support isn’t ok and gives the secret nod to those who are still scared to say YES and reach out.

Lead by example.  It’s all very well talking a good game about how terrible the world that we judge each other and we all should be more supportive BUT if you are still struggling to receive then YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM. Sorry for the caps but it needs emphasised.  More people then you realise are watching and learning from you. This is not about becoming needy, it’s appreciating the ebb and flow of life and you being part of that: give and receive, receive and give.

Don’t do as I say, do as I do.  Actions are far more powerful than words.

So take a deep breath, stop being so bloody stubborn and either ask for what you need or simply accept the support that’s already being offered to you.

Big love,

Me xx

PS.  Sometimes people are so stuck in their own darkness it’s seems impossible to reach out and make an ask or admit how they are really feeling.  This is ok and why it’s so important we work together and acknowledge and respect our differences. Be a gentle light in their darkness so they can begin to see the light switch beside them and can turn it back on when they are ready.  Darkness has healing qualities so don’t rush someone who is in a different place to you simply because you’re uncomfortable with it.

Let me know your thoughts and reflections in the comments below, I love hearing from you! xx

30 Questions to help you discover your strengths

30 Questions to help you discover your strengths

 
  • What do you like to do?
  • What activities make you feel fulfilled?
  • What brings positive energy into your life?
  • When are the times when you feel fully engaged, instead of just pretending to be or you are only partially engaged?
  • What are three things that you are passionate about?
  • What makes you feel passionate about the three items you listed above?
  • What do you feel is your true calling in life?
  • When in life do you play?
  • At what instances do you enjoy the ride instead of looking to reach your end goal?
  • When are you self-disciplined?
  • When are you creative?
  • Where do you feel at peace?
  • Where do you feel calm and productive?
  • When do you feel like you’re doing what you’re supposed to in life?
  • What activities make you feel completely absorbed?
  • When do you lose track of time?
  • What activities can you not wait to do again?
  • When do you deliver results seamlessly?
  • Which activities give you the feeling of clarity, calmness, creativity, and success?
  • What activities give you a sense of flow when you engage in them?
  • When does something happen fast and slow at the same time?
  • When do you experience the feeling of being in the “zone”?
  • What did you do as a child that you still do today, only probably better?
  • What activities excite you?
  • When do you feel like the “real you”?
  • What does your attention naturally focus on?
  • What have you learned quickly, catching on with minimal effort?
  • When do you feel motivated?
  • Which items do you want to put on your to-do list, but never seem to get there?
  • What are you looking forward to in the future?
 
Shiny Object syndrome: choosing the right opportunity for you

Shiny Object syndrome: choosing the right opportunity for you

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Episode 005: Jessie – Lynn MacDonald Interview

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How do you choose the right opportunity for you?

 

Curveballs & Crossroads: Stop giving away your power!

Curveballs & Crossroads: Stop giving away your power!

I wanted to swing by and talk to you about owning your power. What are you struggling with?

What are your challenges in your life just now, and are you denying them?

Are you denying your struggles?

Are you denying your challenges?

Because here’s the thing.

Until you own it, you can’t change it.

The power of owning where you are RIGHT now is enormous, because that’s all any of us have got.

So, no matter what is going on for you, reflect on it, figure out where exactly you are, and just stand proud there to say, “You know something? What’s going on is what’s going on”. And THEN decide where you want to go, because a wonderful thing is, where you are right now is pure and simply in some way the combination of all the previous decisions you have made in your life up until now, and sometimes where you are right now, is just a result of quite a few of life’s wonderful curve balls and there’s nothing at all you can do about it. And so many of us beat ourselves up. So many of us feel really bad about the situation we are in, and NONE of that helps at all.

The only thing that helps is just admitting,

I am where I am. This is my situation right now, and then DO something about it if you want things to change.

So, my short and sweet invitation to you today is, guess what? Own it.

  • If you are not experiencing in the life and work that you really truly want to yet, own that.
  • If you have not got that relationship so you really want in your life as it stands right now, own that.
  • If your health and well-being isn’t where you want it to be, own that, and then do something about it.

This conversation came up because I was talking about my wee mum, and for those of you who know, when I was growing up, my mum didn’t keep well, her mental health wasn’t great. She had a thing called schizophrenia, which made it really tough work growing up with her. But you know what was really tough?     

It wasn’t her mental ill health at all. It was the fact that she didn’t own it.

So, when times were tough for her, and there was numerous times when life was really really tough for her, and life was very very confusing for her, at no point, did she step up and own it.

So, afterwards, she would just be embarrassed and she would put her head in the sand, and it was very very confusing for us as children, and actually very confusing for me as an adult, because she never owned it.

And that’s the thing. It really doesn’t matter what’s going on…it’s your mind monkeys of how other people would respond, and the irony is they are probably feeling your denial. And the wonderful thing is, other people love you, they care for you and they just want you to take your head out of the sand as well.

So, do that. Just own it.

No matter what happens and what’s going on for you, accept it first, because when you stop reisisiting ou can can spend that energy DOING something about it.

Own your power, take it back because every single second that you are not standing there admitting, “I am where I am”, you are giving away your power as to where, also how you can move forward.

Think about it as a sat nav. Your life as a sat nav. You need to know where you are right now, to program it properly to take you wherever you want to go.

If you don’t know where you are right now, the sat nav cannot tell you, cannot help you move forward and get you where you really want to be.

So, admit it you are where you are, and that is okay even if you don’t like it.

Own it and move forward.

What’s your thoughts?  Drop a comment below and let me know what resonated here.

Why your weaknesses aren’t a bad thing

Why your weaknesses aren’t a bad thing

Strengths and weaknesses. It’s a funny, old thing and something I could talk all day about. But here’s the thing. We’ve all been in work and we’ve had our development review and we’ve probably all had a manager, who focused straight on our weaknesses…

Anyway, we’ve been in that a few, when our manager has focused on our weaknesses and given us this development plan over how we can overcome our weaknesses, because that’s important thing for the organisation, so you can be the most productive team member, and you have really got to be the whole package. And then, comes in the strengths approach and the strengths approach is kind of the opposite of that, if you like

And the strengths approach is about focusing on your strengths. Now, your strengths are all the things that you’re really, really strong at, funnily enough, the things that energise you, the things that you’re naturally good at, and the wonderful thing is that we need strengths and weaknesses. There is no one person in the world that can be the whole package. But when it comes to our own development, we have kind of mean of our weaknesses as a dirty word, if you like. So, when a strengths approach come in, a lot of people start to think it’s not okay to focus on your weaknesses. That it’s not appropriate when actually, we have all got them. So, why the heck is it not appropriate to be aware of what you’re not so good at, what’s not appropriate is for you to focus on them and…

What’s really, really important is you to be aware of what your weaknesses are, so you can counteract them because as I’ve said no one person can be the whole package. That is why teamwork makes a team work. After all, every organisation, every family needs a variety of different people who are all good at different things, and when everybody is good at different things, then that collective comes together and it’s so much stronger. So, be aware of your weaknesses

Be aware of what they are because when you’re aware of what your strengths are, then that gives you the power to go looking for somebody that has got a strength in your area of weakness. Does that make sense? So, my invitation to you here, is just become aware of what your strengths are, what you absolutely rocking rule at, what energizes you, but also on the things that you’re not so good at. Don’t be scared of them. The only thing there, is become aware of it, so you can counteract it. It’s really, really, really that simple.

If you are a manager, if you are working with young people, or you have got family, whatever, be careful around encouraging people to develop their area of weakness. Often it’s far easier and far more productive, far more effective to just accept that person, that they are rocking and ruling at all of this stuff, and they’re not so good at that. So, let’s get them lots of opportunities and whatever role you see them in, and you are involved with them in, use them in that area of strength, use them so that they are actually energized doing all the things you want them to do. And then, find another way to fill in the stuff, to train someone and do it all for your own life.

99% of people who I see, who are really stressed out and unfulfilled, and they think they hate their jobs and all of that, they don’t actually really hate their job. 

Lots of people who think that they’re fed up and frustrated in their job, and it’s not their job that’s the problem. It’s how they’re doing it. So, actually, when you become aware of what your strengths are and how your rock and roll, then you can start approaching your job or whatever work you do… it doesn’t have to be an employed job… when you can carve that out using your strengths, when you can become aware of the things that you are spending your time on… and if you are aware that that’s actually play in to your weaknesses, then that gives you the power to do something about it.

So, don’t be scared of your weaknesses. Just become aware of them, own them, do something about it. And then, you’ll find that you’ll get a far better results, and you’ll feel a lot better about it. That’s me. Don’t be scared to your weaknesses, just own it.